Sad hace

I never told this to Charlie. All he knows is one of my friends died. I might have told this to Justy at one point or another, but I pretty much tell her everything, so I'm not sure. And if you want to be an ass, and not believe me, look it up. Should be online somewhere.

This fucked with my mind.

Last year, I ditched an entire day. I went to Hersey (high school), and with a bunch of people I didn't even know (which was somewhat terrifying), I went to some church.
One of my friends died last year. Her name was Monica. Shit, to this very day I cannot pronounce her last name because it was Polish hah. We weren't extremely close, but I went there not only to say goodbye, but to make sure her boyfriend was alright.

She was a Hersey student. So was he.
One night they went to a party, something went wrong, blahse blahse, she and her BF left early. While he was walking her home, she got ran over by a drunk driver.

The thing that fucked with my mind, and the reason I had to be there for him, he saw her die. The person he loved most in the world. She died right in front of him, telling him she loves him, and telling him to tell her mom she was sorry.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to be him. Unfortunately, I saw him while her mom was speaking in front of the church (mostly in Polish, but I could catch on some stuff). I saw him, and he looked empty. A normally gorgeous and smiling guy was sitting in the rows to the right of the casket, holding his head between his hands, and he started crying. His eyes were sunken, and he looked like he just took a serious beating.

It's still hard to believe that the man saw his girlfriend die in front of him, and came out in one piece. I would have jumped under the next passing car.

This is an old post. I wrote it after Charlie and I watched Children of Men, and the guy saw his wife get shot. I came home that night, and I cried. The movie got it wrong. The man isn't supposed to freaking function afterwards. He sat down by a tree, cried, and left. And that is not how it works.

I've thought about death a lot. I'm not afraid to die. I can guarantee you, there were times when I wanted to die, but I was smart enough to look towards the future.
I wouldn't let anything happen to Charlie. If not for his sake, then for mine. I can't stand the thought of not being with him, but the thought of having him permanently removed? Nope, I'd be right behind him. I am willing to die (I have thought of the consequences of that statement). Without him, life is... dark. And disappointing. And just plain not worth it.

Rest of post deleted.