It's quiet in here.

Yeah, not much to say. Called my mom from U of I, and now I am hanging out in some quiet room with leather chairs. WoW wouldn't work because of the limited WiFi, so I decided to write on here. Wouldn't call Carlos until later because he will chop me up to pieces if I woke him up XD.

I feel bad cuz I kinda just left my friends to wander aimlessly. This place depresses me, though. Walking by the Astronomy building, I couldn't help but think, "Charlie will be here next year, and holly shit this is far from home." And everything that I have planned for the next year is a huge mistake if it will not work out. I am risking scholarships and acceptance into colleges by graduating early, and I am screwing myself over financially because there is no way in hell that I would let my mom pay for my college.

I have a job interview on Sunday, though. Hopefully I can save enough money over the summer to even get a car that drives. I couldn't care less about how it looks, anything that will get me closer to Charlie is a godsend.

The thing that sucks is I ADMIT I can't have fun without him. No one can make me laugh like he can, and even though we rarely talk about anything that is remotely serious, I trust him. He is the only person that makes me feel safe. And that sucks.
So does that mean that I will be miserable while he is here? I don't know. As long as I get to see him EVENTUALLY, I will be content. And maybe not having him here as a distraction will help me academically (desperate attempt at looking on the bright side). And I really do have to get my shit together. I am doing well in my AP and Honors courses, but I HATE GENERAL CLASSES. Sitting in a class that is so ignorant that they won't even ATTEMPT to do the work, and having that one kid that CONSTANTLY asks dumb questions makes me want to stab myself in the eye.

I won't get into U of I after high school, so I want to go to Harper for a little. 1) Saves me money, and 2) Gives me an opportunity to replace my high school transcript with college course grades. My plan after that? I don't know since it depends on many factors, but my ideal goal is looking bleak. So yeah, looking towards going to Harper with more people who don't really give a crap about what they are doing since it is a community college. Great.

God, I just don't want to be so pessimistic. Having everything that I want and aspire to have so close, yet knowing it can be taken away any moment, is just meh.

I'm done for today. Will go answer emails. Peace.