My Apologies

I feel bad because I sometimes ditch my friends to be with him. I don't get to see him on a daily basis, although I get to see him a little more often now, and I apologize to my friends. I guess I still feel kind of left out when they discuss how they will all hang out during the weekend, and how they will go watch movies or something, and everyone already assumes that I will be with Charlie. I know that's true, and that I have said many times that he owns my weekends, but still. He at least has boundaries. He gets to practice with his band, and hang out with his dude friends, and I am left alone at home. I'm not mad. I just feel left out with my friends who have their inside jokes, and then god forbid I am with Charlie and his friends, and they go on tangents on how awesome it was to have The Exchange together, and I am left out then, as well. Incredibly awkward and alienating. Idk. Feels like I don't belong anywhere anymore.

Evelyn has her crazy friends that she drinks with practically every weekend. She smokes pot now. She has a new boyfriend (shit I forgot his name). She prefers freaking Carlos' cousin to me. We used to be so close. I would practically live at her house during the summer. And now we actually talk like once a month.

I lost another best friend after that. I guess I deserve it. But he turned out to be an asshole. He messed with my relationship (which I treasure above all else), and he should have seen it coming. In all honesty, it's not the same without him, though. He was the person I went to when something bad happened. I remember talking to him about all the amazing stuff with Charlie. But I got fed up with him looking like he is in agonizing pain every time I mention my love's name. And he in essence called Charlie a bitch. So no more best friend.

Idk. Justy has Betsy. Lol not only that, but now both of them have boyfriends.

Seems like there is no place left for me with my old friends. Maybe I am overreacting. Idk.

I still have Kisa so I am still sane.